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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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I also love rambling by the little stream—the Nahal Ziv—when after counseling sessions I just need to breathe. Its babbling water whispers, “Do you want to take it slow? You want to take the red pill?” and I'm always like, "Hell, yes."

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